Top Bowlingball

1. Wear golf shoes.

2. Every time you throw exclaim “TAKE THAT, YOU JERKS!” Continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.

3. Explain to the owner how your game is “All sorts of messed up” due to plate tectonics, then lose him in lingo. Demand compensation.

4. Make lewd and graphic references to your “ball”. Works well on Senior Ladies night

5. Play bocci with extra lane balls

6. Try to juggle the balls

7. Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tongues, then sit down as if nothing happened

8. Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off.

9. Hide behind the pins, stick your head up laughing hysterically

10. Use a curling weight instead, bring a full team of sweepers

11. Make your presence known by arranging pentagrams out of candles on every lane except yours
12. Even if you miss totally–At the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEERIKE

13. Rent all the lanes, don’t bowl.

14. When an opponent is on his backswing, race up and take his ball and run home.

15. If your team is in the finals, throw nothing but gutterballs and blame plate tectonics.

16. Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm.

17. Superglue police whistles to the hand-dryers. Leave town.

18. Sit in your lane and heckle others with a bullhorn.

19. Run around sprinkling “magic fairy dust” on everyone’s balls.